Imagine my simultaneous delight and skepticism when a recent scan of IMDB.com revealed that one of the Beverly Cleary "Ramona" books that I adored as a child is now also a movie, Ramona and Beezus. Isn't this always how we feel when we hear that one of our favorite written works is being made into a film? You get that little leap in your stomach ("Yay! I wonder who they cast in the role of ___________!"), which is immediately tempered with the dread that, as is typically the case, the film will in no way live up to its literary predecessor ("What? They cast Keira Knightley?! Good luck finding a corset to fit around a 4 inch waist!") Yes, that was a nod to Pride and Prejudice, and I still have yet to see the 2005 remake, Oscar nomination be damned.
So, what do I do? I check the cast list. Usually, you can tell a lot about the movie before its released just by checking out the cast, and suffice it to say my skepticism is about to swallow my delight whole. When I read the books 20+ years ago, I imagined Ramona Quimby as a perpetually ruffled pip-squeak in mismatched clothes. You know, since this is how she was written. Apparently, she is to be portrayed by a child newcomer by the name of Joey King. That works. There's reason for hope. I'm just glad this won't be a vehicle for the practically elderly Abigail Breslin (as Ramona), who is superb but is really getting too old to play itty bitty wittle girls at this point.
The casting of an unknown in one of the two titular roles is the basis of the last shred of hope I hang on to that this movie won't be a big ol' joke, the reasons for which I will reveal below. A movie to be well-received almost entirely by a generation who will likely never hear of the books, never read the books, and will therefore always and most unfortunately associate the names "Ramona" and "Beezus" with a movie and not books.
Rounding out the cast:
Selena Gomez as Beezus: One of the young "It" Disney tween-cesses, her biggest claim to fame of late is having dated a Jonas Brother and playing an adorable, if not strikingly nubile, TV witch. THIS is Beezus? She of the relatable angst, the perfect embodiment of pubescent brattiness and begrudging sisterly love? Sad. Plus, Beezus was anywhere from 11-14 if I recall, depending on what book you were reading. Selena Gomez is 18 years old. [Insert me throwing a Ramona-esque tantrum at this casting travesty]. My choice: Abigail Breslin. In this role, she'd no doubt be perfection.
John Corbett as Bob Quimby: While normally, it would be with glee that I'd get to see one of my favorite underrated actors and Applebee's spokesmen on screen again, John Corbett, as Ramona Quimby's father, just seems wrong to me. Please, make out with SJP in another crapular Sex and the City movie! I'll see it any day (and I mean that literally...those movies are only worthy of matinee prices). But you are simply too gallant, too sexy, too rugged to be the affable, harried father of the best 8-year-old ever written. I know they call it acting, but we can only suspend our disbelief so much. My choice: Ed Helms. Warm and funny, yet still a bit of eye candy for the Mom crowd.
Bridget Moynahan as Dorothy Quimby: Don't get me started. My choice: Sandra Bullock. Yes, a hottie, but she can be made down a bit, and The Blind Side proved she's got the Mom chops.
Ginnifer Goodwin as Aunt Bea: In case anyone has forgotten, Aunt Bea is Ramona's favorite relative! She loves her Aunt Bea! Her Aunt Bea is much cooler than her dad, much calmer than her mom, and she's sh*tloads of fun (not a direct quote from Ramona). Ginnifer Goodwin, best known for her fantastic work on Big Love, has lately been filling the Farrow-esque "gamine" vacancy left by Michelle Williams. She might actually be a good match, if not a little younger than I imagine. But then, the hip younger sister to Bridget Moynahan's character is undoubtedly a tough role to cast. My choice: Maggie Gyllenhaal. This role probably doesn't call for Gyllenhaalian acting chops, but with her oddball style and warm smile, she'd nail this.
Josh Duhamel as Uncle Hobart: [See "Bridget Moynahan as Dorothy Quimby" for my reaction.] My choice: Justin Long. Because if I was gonna cast one actor in the role of my cool, hip, young uncle, it'd be Justin Long. Especially since he's finally starting to look post-pubescent.
Admittedly, it may appear that my opinions regarding the casting choices for this movie are decidedly anti-hot people, and perhaps they are. But I'm sorry, I just can't imagine the likes of Bridget Moynahan, John Corbett, and Josh Duhamel taking up residence on Klickitat Street in Portland, Oregon - at least not without causing a major stir in the neighborhood. Finally, I think if Ramona and Beezus had matching MILF and DILF parents, Beverly Cleary would have made this a central cause of their childhood stress. Well, that and 13-going-on-19 hottie Beezus fighting Henry Huggins off with a stick.
Final thought? I'll Netflix this. Streaming.
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